methproblem: chickensandwich: i heard your penis is like a thumb
youreakingnotapawn: leonhesreallycool: rockpikmin: leonhesreallycool: DO NOT PUT ICE CREAM IN YOUR EYES WHY DID YOU PUT ICE CREAM IN YOUR EYES I WANTED TO KNOW IF IT WOULD JHURT SHORT ANSWER YES DONT would you say that it makes your eyes scream
circumcising: scooby dooby doo me
genocidercyo: clockey: you’re the window to my wall you’re the sweat that drips down my balls
band-nonsense: tessaviolet: peachofcake: tessaviolet: i’m tupac on the inside. tupac is dead. exactly. well this is more emotional than expected
theyellowbrickroad: My dad saw some scene kids sitting outside of this gas station and said “maybe they’re ghosts from 2008” omfg
arpakasso: bondoge: swag youre it no snapbacks
ollivander: ollivander: I don’t think my mom knows the new printer is wireless this is my chance
apatheticghost: apatheticghost: sir swagalot I SPENT A FUCKING HALF HOUR ON THIS PIECE OF SHIT FOR 22 NOTES I DONT FUCKING THINK SO
theyellowbrickroad: what doesnt kill you may cause bleeding or nausea
fartgallery: silhouetteofapocketedindividual: fartgallery: I bet that in the future movies wont even need actors, they’ll just create the characters using computers and stuff animation. thats the thing you described. i need some time to think my thoughts
rnemes: gudnam: gudnam: i hate mac and cheese i just lost a follower u deserved it
heyitsemele: pastelmorgue: eradicategirlhate: you ever thought that maybe the reason girls say they’re fine when they’re not, or they’re not mad when they are, is because the second they show any semblance of emotion they’re written off as hysterical bitches that are probably on their period? THE FUCKING DA VINCI CODE HAS BEEN CRACKED Reblogging again, because this will never be...
wartortles: wartortles: its so sad that blind people cant see the internet *single tear drops down face* thats so beautiful
japert: Friends with mean and overprotective parents when they are so overprotective you guys can hardly hang out
remusslupin: consultingtimelordsofbelair: llwlyn: *tour guide voice* and if you look to your left, you can see the entire Doctor Who fandom collapsing in on itself *tour guide voice* and if you look to the right, you can see all the Europeans on tumblr going insane over Eurovision *tour guide voice* and if you would please sign this petition to save tumblr from the evil clutches of...
my english teacher: your essay isn't very well put together
me: my thoughts are stars i cannot fathom into constellations
gooutfighting: now taking applications for my gang, please have your mum sign your permission slip and return it in by next wednesday
philplz: philhowellsfordan: crimeovercoffee: when you keep drawing the same wrong line over and over and you get so frustrated you just draw one angry stroke and it’s pretty much perfect and you just that photo is fucking terrifying That photo was on my cereal this morning?
reasons u should adopt me as ur pet
alleneverafter: jesus-christ-official: - i have soft hair on my head as welll as soft little hairs all over my arms and legs - i don’t talk much, i am ve ry quiet - i will let u boop my nose whenever - i am expert at cuddling - easy 2 care for, all i need is food and sunshiney spots to sleep in - please if u don’t take me they’ll put me in a college and make me do the essays omfg you’re...
untroestlich: jesuschristvevo: a white girl walks into a bar and asks for a frappuccino what’s wrong with this? I always do this. Not at bars but at mccafe or starbucks. I don’t get the joke. Someone tell me? :3
geometricdeathtrap: metallikato: generallegendary: metallikato: jewelstaites: how to give a good handjob bop it pull it twist it harder better faster stronger You pull your left hand in You pull your left hand out You pull your left hand in And you shake it all about! Cha cha real smooth none of you ever touch a penis
dilclo: when she texts first <3
sharonosbourne: vinneyvidivici: cybertvvink: sharonosbourne: 9 HOUR SHIFTS CAN EAT MY GAY WHITE ASS Looks like I need to become a 9-hour shift What happens if I become a 10 hr shift!? i fucking kill you
fffcuk: everyone freaks out over stolen jokes but imagine how pissed the guy who made up the “why did the chicken cross the road?” joke must be